Roach wings

"Roach wings won't get you far. But they'll get you here."

I have felt heavy this last week.

A lot of things on my mind and most of them aren't light. I've tried to separate the wheat from the chaff with my thoughts. To figure out what is weighing me down. But even the little things, like having two rides this week where I had to stop twice due to either a flat or a slow leak, have gotten me down.

But the big things, are what is really weighing me down.

TPG, I'm sending you my good vibes, my prayers and anything else, including the kitchen sink.

"Perhaps its just that I'm lonely at this point in the year...It's a false loneliness, because for the life of me I can't think of me, I can't think of a single woman I'd want to be with. I like the ones in my imagination best."

That's been weighing on my mind also. I've been feeling lonely. It seems to be a false sense of loneliness because I can't think of anyone I want to be around right now. Even with that said, I want someone around. I don't want to talk, but I want someone around. If that's not a catch-22, I don't what is. I can't think of anyone I want around, but I don't want to be alone.

Maybe I should get a roach for company.

So instead of company, I've been honing myself more. It feels good to hone. To take myself and grind myself slowly over the wet stone. I'm not honed to a fine edge, yet. I'm sharper than I used to be. But I am not to where I want to be. It helps me deal with weeks like this one. If I can stay focused on something that isn't destructive, I can survive. Maybe I am not moving forward, but I am not not moving backwards.

That is progress.

VLM, I love you.

Xs n Os


(Quotes borrowed without permission from Henry Rollins' "Black Coffee Blues.")

Comments

Heathrow's World said…
Dude, you need a dog. And then you need to join something. Like a pottery class or a boxing class or cooking class. Which is, of course, when you will meet someone. Just to hang with. I swear.
4/20/2010 12:56:00 PM
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